Column: The men in love is blind are broken

The most recent British season of Love Is Blind has everything. A spiritual man who always trusts what his spleen tells him (teaching viewers the term “splenic intuition”). A woman who sings directly into her date’s face (“You’re a liar, you’re a liar!”). And plenty of men who just can’t talk about their feelings.

Even though Kal’s father is Pakistani and Sarover’s family is Indian, he proposes to her after they’ve dated in the “pods,” the rooms where participants talk through a wall. The couple becomes proof that it’s possible to break down prejudices and marry across cultures. In the reunion episode, we see clips from their life together. Vacationing in Marrakech, working out, celebrating Christmas. Laughter and dancing.

In the studio, one of the hosts asks:
“Wonderful. So tell us, how has married life been?”

Sarover laughs and replies:
“Married life? What married life?”

The audience gasps in shock. She continues:
“I fell in love with a man who made me feel seen, heard, and loved. Three months later, he walked out.”

Kal ended the relationship—apparently without giving Sarover any real explanation. On the show, he says the reason is that he doesn’t enjoy physical touch as much as she does. He admits he struggles with communication and just isn’t built for a long-term relationship.

And that’s how the rest of the reunion goes. Couple after couple share the problems that emerged once the cameras stopped rolling. Four out of five couples who got together on the show have broken up.

Another couple split early on, not even making it through the show. Javen had never been in a real relationship when he proposed to Katisha. But he couldn’t stop flirting with other women—even in the shared bar with all the cast members, with his fiancée right there. He was never in love with Katisha, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell her.

All I can think is: This show reveals just how broken men are today.

Many of the men on Love Is Blind have never talked about their feelings before. I’ve watched a total of 14 seasons from the U.S., Sweden, and the U.K. To me, it’s clear that the couples fall in love because they get to share their life stories without being interrupted and talk with someone who genuinely wants to listen.

Sometimes the men share life stories they’ve never told anyone else, sometimes very dark or painful parts of their lives. The men don’t talk about their feelings because they’re in love—they fall in love because someone finally wants to hear how they’re really doing.

But once they leave the pods, things often fall apart. Reality catches up, and the men are reminded of their learned behavior—to bottle up emotions or let them out in other ways.

Take 36-year-old soldier Billie, who struggles with the fact that his wife Ashleigh works as a flight attendant. He’s used to low-calorie army meals, but he manages to compromise and cook with her. He’s not like Ola from Love Is Blind Sweden, who couldn’t stop going on about how his fiancée Milly ate too much candy and soda (and had hair that was “too short”). But still, Billie waits three months before ending the relationship.

For Ashleigh, it comes out of nowhere. She says:
“I wish he’d been braver. I wish he’d been in touch with his feelings. He should have just said no.”

The women on the show express their needs and feelings. Even if they haven’t been to therapy, they often have more self-awareness than the men. They expect their partners to communicate what they want and how they feel, too.

Another couple struggling with communication is Bardha and Jed. She said no at the altar, but they tried dating for three weeks. She tried to talk about their issues. He didn’t.

After choosing to date instead of marrying right away, Bardha wears her engagement ring to show she still wants to be with him. He asks her to take it off at the gym—without telling her his ex is also there. Two days later, when she still hasn’t put the ring back on, he gets upset. They look like a textbook couple with insecure attachment styles. She doesn’t feel reassured enough of his love, and he feels smothered and in need of “space.”

Like many other men, I struggle to put my feelings into words, let alone say them out loud. It’s something that takes practice, like going to the gym. You can practice with family, with friends, with partners—or in therapy.

For the one couple that has stayed together, those very conversations made the difference. Gaming entrepreneur Kieran explains in the episode why he loves his wife:
“I could open up to Megan and explore insecurities I didn’t even know I had before this experiment. I don’t know what it is about the pods, but it’s kind of like therapy.”

The more self-awareness you have, the better your relationship will be. It’s about humility, recognizing your own behavior patterns, and understanding how you affect others and how they affect you.

The men on the show may be broken. But the good news is—it doesn't need to be forever. One can heal.

Tanvir Mansur, journalist and member of the organization MÄN