Safe Digital Spaces for Fathers

What’s the best thing about being a dad?
“Getting to show care—almost unconditionally—for another human being. The love it awakens in me, and that’s reflected back to me through our children. It’s amazing. And right now, it’s the most important mission of my life. A commitment that requires change from me and a great deal of emotional and practical engagement. I want to stay active in that, and I do that best through dialogue and conversation with other dads. Supporting others, and receiving support myself. I think that makes me a better father,” John says.

Since John lives in a small town, far from the nearest local MÄN group, he chose to start a digital discussion group. It also became a way to broaden his perspective beyond his small community.

“It’s been unexpectedly easy to build psychological safety in a digital space! A lot of people want to talk, want to listen. Many also share thoughts they’ve never mentioned to anyone before. It’s a beautiful thing to be part of,” John says.

Is there anything about the digital format that can be challenging?
“Possibly that, in heavy conversations, it’s hard to offer support through a friendly pat on the shoulder. Or if someone needs a hug. Otherwise, many conversations are challenging in themselves, since they deal with things that really engage you. But there’s an upside to that too,” John says.

What’s the best thing about being a fathers’ group leader?
“Having the honor of sharing warm conversations with dads who want more—from their parenting, from themselves, from who they are as partners. Seeing the effort others are also putting into themselves is inspiring! Beyond the support it gives me as a person. Me as a partner, me as a dad, me as a fellow human being. And in the long run, my partner, our children, and the society we live in together.”

How has leading and participating in fathers’ groups affected you as a parent?
“A lot, in many ways. But above all, I’m more secure. Secure in my feelings, my thoughts, and the puzzle of everyday life. By sharing this and listening to similar stories, I’ve been able to feel grounded during the most overwhelming moments of parenting, partnership, and life as a whole,” John says.

What do you hope your children will carry with them into life?
“Care. Warmth. Playfulness. Security. And I hope it stays with them into their own possible parenting one day. That would feel wonderful!”

John’s Best Advice

To new dads
Talk a lot—communicate! A cliché? Yes. But it works. Start from your own experience or feeling, both with your partner and your child: I experience that… I feel… Dad is happy when you… Dad is sad because…

To you who feels like the world’s worst dad right now
Tell someone you trust how you’re feeling. A partner, parent, sibling, friend, therapist. If you don’t have someone like that, we’re available at pappor.se or in a fathers’ group. By describing it to someone else, you’ve already taken the biggest step in the right direction toward improving your self-esteem. With self-esteem comes a sense of security, and what feels overwhelming will come with less anxiety the more secure you feel in yourself.

To all dads
Play! Even if you’re an adult now, you were once a child too! Hard to connect with that? Take out a photo of yourself at the same age your child is now and keep it in the room where you play. What did the child in the photo like to play? Tell your child, and see if you can play it together! Playdough, Pokémon, theater, LEGO, dolls, sports, games, dancing? Whatever you enjoy doing, your child will enjoy playing too—because you’re doing it for real, not pretending.